Nice normal guy seeks apartment for less than a fortune with normal people

From my title, you can tell where I'm headed. Right into a brick wall. Living in New York is great and I really wouldn't want to be anywhere else. But moving from Brooklyn to Manhattan is near impossible unless you own Google or have a grandmother who lives in rent-controlled heaven and is on a respirator... Clearly she's on her way out.

These past weeks searching for an apartment have been torture. I'm not in a position to live on my own yet, as I can't afford the rent. So for now, I'm attempting to find a share. July or August, either is fine. I just want to find people who are ok to live with and a room that's not advertised as "12x15" and is really "1x5".

Which brings me to my next problem with the situation (I'm really not a miserable person, most of the time): posting on Craigslist. I love the site, found my first place on it. I cannot, however, stand some of these people's postings. Allow me to translate what some of them mean:

"I'm rarely home" = "I have no life and pretend that I do so you'll think you're getting 1/2 a roommate."

"I'm a light smoker" = "I chain smoke 3 packs before and after dinner."

"Prefer female, but either is ok" = "Clearly I won't live with a guy but I'm technically not allowed to discriminate on Craigslist, so I have to put both. Guys, don't call."

"Utilities not included (around $60-$70 a month" = "$60-$70 if you don't turn the lights on, watch TV, breathe, and take a shower EVER."

"My beloved old roommate is leaving for a better job/life/girl/etc." = "I'm scary and this guy finally figured out that I've been performing evil chants at night with the hopes that he doesn't wake up in the morning."

As you can see, it's tough going. Part of me almost wants to give up, but the other part is driven and really does want to get into Manhattan. However, both parts are severely hungover today, so it'll have to wait another day.

(If anyone reading this has any ideas or contact, please email me pnoonan127@gmail.com. I'm looking for a share, South of 96th street, will live with guys and girls, budget is $1200 (no higher, I have a big student loan). Thanks.)